


My Wounds Are Bleeding Still

by IntrovertNightOwl



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, POV Jace Wayland, Post-Episode: s01e09 Rise Up, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-05-31 01:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6450814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrovertNightOwl/pseuds/IntrovertNightOwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course learning this secret about their parents had affected Alec the most. He had always been the one who followed the rules, who tried to be a good soldier, who did everything the Clave told him to, who denied his very nature just so he wouldn’t disappoint his parents. Jace and Izzy had always been more rebellious, bound to do their own thing, breaking the rules when they felt like it. Alec had often borne the brunt for Jace and Izzy’s rebellions, but he hadn’t complained because he loved them both so much and always wanted to protect them. They had been a team, a unit, a family.</p>
<p>And now there was this rift between them, this chasm, bleeding like an open wound. And Jace did not know how to fix it. How could he make Alec understand that what he was doing was wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic about Jace’s thoughts and feelings following the events of episode 1x09 Rise Up, mainly because I was so upset about what the writers of the show did to the parabatai bond. This was only supposed to be a short fic, but somehow this story transformed itself into something much longer. I plan to write a second chapter which will contain smut.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters; all I own is this story.

 “I don’t wanna be alive if we’re on different sides, Alec. Come with me. We’ll fight Valentine the right way… together. I’m begging you, my _parabatai_ … my brother. Please Alec, come with me,” Jace pleaded.

“No.”

Alec’s single word of refusal rang out like a shot between them, like an arrow piercing Jace’s heart. Jace stared at Alec in despair, tears filling his eyes. And with a last heartbroken look at his _parabatai_ , Jace turned away.

Clary had wanted to talk about what happened between him and Alec, but Jace just couldn’t bear it. He needed to be alone. As he could not go back to the Institute, he just wandered the streets of New York, deeply lost in his thoughts. He couldn’t face Alec just now. He knew deep down that Alec had not done what he did to hurt him, but because he wanted to restore the Lightwood family name. But this did not mean that Jace did not feel hurt, feel betrayed by Alec. Maybe trying to push Alec to admit his true feelings for him had been the wrong move, but Jace had not known what else he could have said to get Alec to change his mind.

Jace could hardly remember a time when he had felt this hurt. When his father died and he had been sent to live with the Lightwoods was certainly his most painful memory. But then the Lightwoods had welcomed him so warmly into their family, and he and Alec had become best friends. Thinking about all the great moments he and Alec had shared made Jace even sadder. How they had trained together, fought together, had put healing runes on each other when they got injured, how they always had each other’s backs. But more than that, how they had joked with each other, had teased Izzy and Max, had been a real family. Jace knew that Alec had more than brotherly feelings for him, but it hadn’t affected their friendship. Not until now. Clary had come into their lives and Jace had been so smitten with her, he had lost sight of the big picture, lost sight of his family, of his best friend and _parabatai_. Jace understood that he had hurt Alec with his behavior, even if he hadn’t meant to do so. It deeply saddened him and he felt ashamed. And then Alec had found out about his parents being former Circle members and everything had spiraled from there. Of course learning this secret about their parents had affected Alec the most. He had always been the one who followed the rules, who tried to be a good soldier, who did everything the Clave told him to, who denied his very nature just so he wouldn’t disappoint his parents. Jace and Izzy had always been more rebellious, bound to do their own thing, breaking the rules when they felt like it. Alec had often borne the brunt for Jace and Izzy’s rebellions, but he hadn’t complained because he loved them both so much and always wanted to protect them. They had been a team, a unit, a family.

And now there was this rift between them, this chasm, bleeding like an open wound. And Jace did not know how to fix it. How could he make Alec understand that what he was doing was wrong? That taking Meliorn to the Silent Brothers to be interrogated, tortured or worse was a mistake?

Jace sighed and ran his fingers through his blond hair. The wind had picked up and he was suddenly freezing in his thin leather jacket. Shivering, he picked up the pace and tried to get his bearings. He had been walking for a while without looking where he was going. When he realized that he was only a few blocks from Taki’s Diner, he decided to go there for a cup of coffee to warm up. Hopefully, he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew, because he really did not feel like talking just now. As he pushed open the door of the diner, he let out a sigh of relief. The restaurant was nearly empty at this time of night, there were only a few vampires lounging at the bar who looked at him with unconcealed loathing. He gave them his most arrogant stare and proceeded to the back of the diner. He slipped into a booth and when the fairie waitress (who fortunately was not Kaelie because he was really not in the mood for flirting) came to take his order, he asked for a cup of coffee. The waitress jotted down his order and walked away without a word. Just as well. A few minutes later, the waitress was back and brought him his coffee. Jace thanked her and took a sip. The coffee was hot and strong, just like he liked it. As he was nursing his cup of coffee, he stared out the window. It had started to rain heavily outside and the world looked bleak and cold. The weather fit his mood perfectly. What was he going to do about Alec? How could he mend what was broken between them?

 

Suddenly, the door of the diner opened and a gust of wind blew in. Jace shuddered and looked up from his coffee cup. When he saw who had walked in, his mouth went dry. There stood Alec, dripping wet and scowling at Jace. Bristling with anger, Alec stalked towards Jace.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Jace?” Alec demanded.

“Just having a cup of coffee. Is that not allowed?” Jace retorted, getting angry.

“After everything that happened tonight, you thought it was a good idea for you to just come and hang out here?” Alec asked, sounding exasperated.

“Well, I couldn’t exactly go back to the Institute now, could I?” Jace replied. “I mean, I wasn’t really in the mood to run into you. Or your lovely fiancée,” Jace said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Well, tough shit, here I am.” Alec said, still scowling at Jace. Alec sat down in the seat opposite Jace.

“Sure, make yourself at home,” Jace snapped.

“It’s a free country, isn’t it? And last I checked you didn’t own this diner.”

Jace suddenly felt very tired. He really was not up to having it out with Alec just now. He could barely look at his _parabatai_ , it hurt too much.

The waitress came over and Alec ordered a cup of coffee as well. When she was gone, Alec sighed and said: “Look, Jace, I really don’t wanna fight anymore. We need to talk about this. I was out looking for you because I cannot stand this rift between us.”

Surprised, Jace looked up. The love and affection he saw in Alec’s eyes took his breath away.

“I don’t wanna fight with you either, Alec. I hate this. I hate being on opposite sides,” Jace said softly. “And it’s not like I don’t understand what you are trying to do, Alec. I get that you want to restore the Lightwood family name and you think working with Lydia and getting married to her is gonna accomplish that. I get it, I do. I just don’t happen to agree with your methods. But I’m sorry that I attacked you.”

“Thanks for saying that,” Alec said. “I’m sorry too. You know, for putting a seraph blade to your throat. I never thought I would ever do that.” Alec’s voice sounded broken and sad.

Jace reached out his hand and put it on top of Alec’s. Alec looked startled but didn’t pull away, staring at Jace’s hand coving his. “Alec, look at me.” When he did, Jace nervously said (because they had to talk about the elephant in the room sometime): “I also want to apologize for saying all that stuff about your feelings for me. It’s none of my business and I had no right to confront you like that.”

Alec’s eyes widened, he flushed a bright pink and it seemed as if he had trouble breathing. “Jace,” he finally managed to get out, “you don’t need to apologize for that. It’s my fault. Yes, I have these feelings for you that are wrong, that I shouldn’t be feeling. I’m sorry, you are probably disgusted with me. I know I am.” Alec’s voice was so full of self-loathing that it broke Jace’s heart.

“Alec, no, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not disgusted with you. Not at all. I just have never thought about you that way before. But being gay is nothing to be ashamed of,” Jace replied, his voice full of conviction.

“You really think so?” Alec asked, squirming in his seat and not meeting Jace’s eyes.

“Yes I really do,” Jace replied, squeezing Alec’s hand. “And I’m sorry that I’m causing you pain, Alec, I really am. But I hope you still want me to be your best friend, your _parabatai_. If not, I would understand, but it would really suck.”

Shocked, Alec blurted out: “Of course I still want you to be my best friend, my _parabatai_. Nothing is ever gonna change that.”

“Well, I’m glad we got that sorted out,” Jace said and looked at Alec full of affection. Alec squeezed Jace’s hand and smiled.

“Wanna hug it out?” Jace asked, smiling at Alec fondly.

Alec’s answering smile could have lit up the whole room. They both got up from their seats and slowly moved towards each other. “Come here, you,” Jace mumbled and put his arms around Alec. At first, Alec held himself back rather stiffly, as if he didn’t want to allow himself to enjoy Jace’s embrace. But Jace just hugged him more tightly and eventually Alec’s resistance weakened. Jace felt Alec melting into the embrace and really hugging him back.

Jace couldn’t have been happier and more relieved. After the day they had had, he couldn’t believe how much joy he felt now, when he had been so miserable only a little while ago. He had probably taken their friendship, their incredible bond, a bit for granted lately, and he swore to himself right there in Taki’s Diner that he was never going to do that again. Hugging Alec felt so natural and so good and without really wanting to, he started noticing little things about his friend that he never had before. Things like how strong Alec’s arms were, how hard the muscles in his torso were, how soft his dark hair felt in his hands. Because without meaning to, he had apparently started raking his hands through Alec’s hair and stroking it tenderly. He heard Alec’s breath catch in his throat. Jace just kept hugging him and petting his hair. It felt so good, so right, he couldn’t help himself. They were pressed together very closely now and Jace luxuriated in feeling Alec’s warmth all around him. He felt Alec trying to pull away, but Jace wouldn’t let him. A moment later Jace discovered why Alec had wanted to get out of their embrace: Alec was hard, very hard, and his erection pressed into Jace’s thigh. Jace’s mouth went dry and his mind was racing. He had never been attracted to men before, but something about the way Alec felt in his arms made him feel very hot and bothered. He felt his body responding to Alec’s, his heart was beating very fast, his breathing came in gasps. His hands moved over Alec’s arms and shoulders as if they had a mind of their own. He heard Alec moan softly and his cock gave a little twitch. Holy crap, what was happening to him? “Jace,” Alec said huskily, “maybe we should …”

Before Alec could finish whatever he was about to say, they heard an amused voice say “Boys, this is a restaurant where people come to eat. Why don’t you two get a room?” It was the faerie waitress who was looking at them with unconcealed amusement. Jace and Alec both flushed furiously and broke apart reluctantly, not daring to look each other. Jace threw some money on the table for their coffees, took Alec’s hand and dragged him to the door.

Once they were outside in the cool night air, Jace took a deep breath. It had stopped raining and stars were twinkling in the night sky. Jace finally dared to glance at Alec. Alec’s beautiful eyes were blown wide with lust and Jace couldn’t help but lick his lips. Alec caught him doing so, a soft groan escaping his plush lips, which in turn made Jace feel even more aroused.

“So what are we going to do now?” Alec asked, his voice sounding wrecked.

“Now we are going to find a motel and check in,” Jace replied, sounding more confident than he felt. Alec only stared at him, not understanding what was happening. “Hey, the waitress said, we should get a room,” Jace joked weakly.

“Jace, are you sure you want this? Are you sure you know what you are doing?” Alec asked softly, obviously fearing Jace’s response.

“Sure? No.” Alec looked crestfallen, as if he was about to cry. “But,” Jace said, reaching out and stroking Alec’s handsome face tenderly, “I’m willing to try and find out.”

Jace held out his hand and Alec took it, smiling shyly at Jace. Hand in hand they walked down the deserted street, feeling both very happy and scared at the same time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace smiled, reached out his hand and tenderly stroked Alec’s face, stepping closer to Alec. There was now barely any distance between them and Jace angled his head and leaned in to kiss Alec. Alec’s eyes widened when he realized what Jace wanted to do. Alec swallowed hard, leaning in as well. When their lips met, it was like an electrical surge went through both of them. Jace found that kissing Alec was both familiar and strange, familiar because lips are lips and strange because Jace could feel Alec’s stubble on his own face and that was definitely new and something he had not experienced before.

They found a cheap hotel in Chelsea which let them pay for their room in cash. Which was good because neither of them wanted a record of this particular transaction. Alec was very nervous and embarrassed so Jace handled checking them in. The guy behind the front desk smirked when Jace asked for a room for one night only. Well at least the hotel didn’t charge by the hour, that would have been truly seedy.

“Looking to have some fun, boys?” the guy behind the front desk asked, still smirking at them. Alec blushed bright pink, not saying a word. Jace could tell that Alec was starting to lose his courage and could have kicked the hotel receptionist.

“That’s none of your business,” Jace replied in his most arrogant tone.

The guy only raised an eyebrow and handed Jace the room key.

“Room 315, boys. And try to keep it down.”

Jace only glared at the guy, took the key and dragged Alec to the elevator. As they rode up to the third floor, Jace’s own nervousness returned in full force. What were they going to do when they got up to the room? Were they really going to have sex? They hadn’t even kissed yet.

“Calm down,” Jace told himself firmly and took a deep breath. “We are just going to take it one step at a time,” he thought. Jace glanced at Alec who still looked freaked out.

The elevator pinged and the doors swished open. They got out and walked down the long rather dark hallway, looking for room 315. “315, here it is,” Alec said in a shaky voice. Jace tried to put the key in but much to his mortification he only managed to open the door on his third try because his hands, which were usually so steady, were shaking so much. They finally entered the room, barely taking in the cheap and tasteless décor. They took off their jackets and flung them on the king size bed.

“We don’t have to do this, you know,” Alec said, suddenly sounding calmer. Jace looked up at him and smiled.

“Yeah, I know but I want to. I’m just nervous, you know. This is all very new for me,” Jace said.

“And I’m such an old hand at this? At least you’ve already done it,” Alec replied, getting embarrassed again.

“Yes, but never with someone I truly cared about. And never with a guy,” Jace said softly, his words no more than a whisper.

“Well, we can go as slow or as fast as you want to. Let’s figure this out together,” Alec replied, taking a step closer to Jace. “I’m amazed you are giving this, us, a chance at all. I’ll take everything you are willing to give,” Alec continued.

Jace smiled, reached out his hand and tenderly stroked Alec’s face, stepping closer to Alec. There was now barely any distance between them and Jace angled his head and leaned in to kiss Alec. Alec’s eyes widened when he realized what Jace wanted to do. Alec swallowed hard, leaning in as well. When their lips met, it was like an electrical surge went through both of them. Jace found that kissing Alec was both familiar and strange, familiar because lips are lips and strange because Jace could feel Alec’s stubble on his own face and that was definitely new and something he had not experienced before. Jace was in awe of Alec’s beautiful plush lips and couldn’t get enough from nibbling on them. Without really meaning to, Jace’s tongue pushed out and demanded entrance between Alec’s lips. Moaning audibly, Alec opened his mouth fully and let Jace’s tongue enter. When their tongues touched, this went straight to Jace’s cock. Groaning, he deepened the kiss, their tongues starting a sexy duel. Their kiss grew more desperate, dirtier, and more passionate. With nobody there to tell him to stop, Jace let his hands wander all over Alec’s torso again, just like he had done back at the diner. Only now he did not stop above the waist but let his hands slowly wander down over Alec’s back and then to his ass, which he gave an experimental squeeze. Apparently Alec liked this a lot because he moaned and pressed his erection into Jace’s hip, which almost undid Jace. By now he was painfully hard as well and he wanted to communicate this fact to Alec so he repeated Alec’s movement. Alec clung to him even more desperately. When they felt they could no longer breathe, they reluctantly broke the kiss and stood panting hard.

When Jace felt he could speak, he said: “Wow, that was fucking hot. Where did you learn to kiss like that?”

Alec blushed and replied: “Nowhere. You just bring it out in me, I guess.”

“Well, I’m gonna take that as a compliment.” Jace grinned, affectionately tousling Alec’s hair. “Okay, we need to do something about this,” Jace said gesturing at their hard-ons.

“What did you have in mind?” Alec asked huskily.

Jace smirked at him and put his hand on Alec’s chest, slowly letting his fingers wander down again. When he reached Alec’s cock, he tenderly touched it through Alec’s jeans. Alec moaned, putting his own hand over Jace’s and mirroring Jace’s movements.

“I guess, this means you don’t want me to stop,” Jace said smugly.

Alec’s only reply was another moan.

“What, Alec? I can’t hear you.”

“Please, Jace, don’t stop.”

“Now, that’s more like it,” Jace said, getting off on being bossy.

Jace slowly opened the fly of Alec’s jeans, taking his time with opening each button. Alec was getting more and more aroused and made a sound of disapproval at Jace’s slowness. Jace only chuckled. Finally Jace had completely undone Alec’s jeans and pushed them down Alec’s hips and legs to the floor. Alec kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants, already missing the touch of Jace’s hand on his cock. Alec took off his socks as well because that was just not sexy. Jace was watching him greedily, palming his own erection.

“Now your t-shirt,” Jace ordered.

Alec complied and then self-consciously stood before Jace only in his underwear.

Jace smoothly approached Alec and put his hand on Alec’s cock again, feeling it getting even harder through the thin cotton of his underwear. Jace started removing Alec’s underwear at an infuriatingly slow pace. Just when Alec thought he could not stand it any longer, Jace finished and put his hand on Alec’s naked cock. Hissing with pleasure, Alec leaned into the touch, trying to get as much contact to Jace as possible.

“So greedy! You really are a dirty boy, are you, Alec?” Jace grinned mischievously and pushed Alec a little bit away from himself, his earlier nervousness all but forgotten.

“Lay back on the bed.” Jace’s tone was beyond bossy now and Alec could barely admit it to himself how much that turned him on.

As he got on the bed, he saw that Jace had started taking off all of his clothes as well. Jace’s beauty always made Alec feel weak in the knees and seeing him completely and shamelessly naked now was quite a heady trip. Alec’s eyes slowly travelled over Jace’s sexy abs, his torso, like his own, all marked up with runes. When Alec’s look fell on Jace’s cock, he almost stopped breathing. Jace was huge and Alec couldn’t stop himself from staring and hungrily licking his lips.

Jace caught him staring. “Like what you see?”

All Alec could do was nod.

Jace got up on the bed as well and sat astride Alec’s legs, just below his crotch so that their cocks lined up. Alec didn’t think he could get any hornier but with this one move Jace had somehow accomplished it. Jace took both of their cocks into one hand and slowly started stroking. Pretty soon they were both moaning audibly and breathing heavily. Alec thought he was going to explode, his body was so overloaded with sexual stimulation.

“Jace, I’m gonna …,” Alec panted.

“Just hold on a little longer, I want us to come together,” Jace replied, breathing hard.

Both of their cocks were aching hard, leaking precum. Alec felt like he couldn't breathe as he waited for Jace to finish them both off. Jace kept pumping and eventually they both felt the build-up leading into an explosion of pleasure, their cum mingling on Alec’s stomach. Jace kept stroking as they both rode out their orgasms, coming down from an incredible high.

Alec’s mind was officially blown, he had never felt this happy or this satisfied ever before. So this was sex. No wonder everyone made such a big deal about it.

“Are you okay?” Jace asked with concern in his voice. Smiling broadly, Alec looked up at Jace and said: “I have never been better. That was fucking fantastic, Jace.”

Alec sat up on his elbows, grabbed Jace and brought him down for a kiss. “How was it for you? Your first time with a guy?”

Jace laughed. “Well I’m sure you couldn’t help but notice that I came pretty hard back there. So I would say it was pretty fucking fantastic for me, too.”

“I’m glad,” Alec said, affectionately tousling Jace’s hair. “Maybe we should clean up a little. It is getting rather sticky.”

“You stay there,” Jace ordered and went into the bathroom to get a towel. He wet the towel and then proceeded to clean them both up and remove any stickiness. Then he carelessly threw the towel on the floor and got back into bed, snuggling up to Alec.

Alec was getting sleepy, it was rather late after all and the day had been an emotionally and physically draining one. But before he let himself fully relax, he needed to say one thing to Jace.

“Jace?”

“Mmm?” Jace replied, sounding pretty sleepy himself.

“Thank you. Thank you for giving us a chance.”

“You are welcome, Alec. Although there is really no need to thank me, I got off on this just as much as you did.”

Alec smiled and hugged Jace closer to him. Jace kissed him lightly on the neck a few times and then fell into a deep sleep. Alec watched him for a few minutes, still hardly able to believe his luck, before he also succumbed to oblivion.

 

When Alec opened his eyes several hours later, the morning sun peeked through the windows. The thin curtains didn’t do much to hold the brightness at bay and Alec blinked. But before he could complain, he felt Jace moving over his body, kissing him all over. It didn’t take much time for Alec to get hard in the morning and with Jace’s ministrations it took even less.

“Well, hello there!” Jace smirked at him and Alec couldn’t help but laugh. He dragged Jace up for a kiss, bad morning breath be damned. From Jace’s moans, it didn’t sound as if he minded. When they finally broke apart, Alec got lost in Jace’s beautiful mismatched eyes, which right now were dark with lust. “God, I love him so much,” Alec thought.

“How did you sleep?” Jace asked, gently stroking Alec’s arms.

“Better than ever. It is very relaxing to hold you in my arms. You make me feel safe,” Alec replied, blushing a little. “How about you?”

“Same,” Jace replied, staring into Alec’s eyes intently. “Plus waking up next to such a beautiful naked body is definitely something I could get used to,” Jace continued and started touching and kissing Alec all over again. Groaning, Alec ran his hand through Jace’s blond hair, loving the way Jace made him feel. When Jace got to his belly button and didn’t seem to want to stop there, Alec’s breathing became even heavier.

“You know what I was thinking while I watched you sleeping in all your naked glory earlier?” Jace said teasingly.

“No. What?” Alec panted.

“How much I would like to suck you off.”

Alec’s mouth went dry and his heart beat faster than ever.

“Would you like that, Alec?”

Not trusting himself to speak, Alec nodded.

“Tell me then. What do you want?”

Alec swallowed hard. “I want you to suck me off.”

“All right then.”

Alec had always admired Jace’s confidence and he should have known that he would be the same in the bedroom. Still, this was new territory for them both. However, Jace seemed to be just as fearless and brave as ever and Alec was really glad about it.

All thoughts went out of Alec’s mind as he felt Jace’s lips on his cock, slowly putting light kisses down the shaft and caressing Alec’s balls with his hands.

“You ready?” Jace asked, looking up at Alec.

“Yes. Please, Jace, do it.”

Needing no further word of encouragement, Jace bent down and took Alec’s cock into his mouth, first only the tip, then more and more until Alec’s whole cock disappeared behind Jace’s sinful lips.

Alec moaned loudly. Holy crap, this felt even better than Jace jerking them off last night.

Jace kept sucking and kissing Alec’s cock, doing unspeakable things with his tongue. Somehow he had figured out giving head without ever having done it before, his gag reflex seemed to be nonexistent.

“Typical,” Alec thought. “He’s just good at everything.”

If he didn’t like the things Jace was doing to his cock so much, he would have been slightly annoyed. But as it was he was completely putty under Jace’s sinful tongue, his breathing going faster and faster, his climax slowly building.

“Jace, I’m gonna …,” Alec barely managed to get out.

Alec felt he should warn Jace since he didn’t know how Jace felt about swallowing sperm. Plus it was not exactly safe.

However, Jace only smiled around Alec’s cock and made a “carry on” gesture with his hands.

That was all it took to bring Alec over the edge. With a yell, he came hard, with Jace quickly and nosily swallowing, not stopping until Alec came down from his orgasm. Only then did Jace remove his mouth and grin up mischievously at Alec.

“Well, it looks like you enjoyed that.”

“That would be an understatement,” Alec replied and laughed. “Are you sure you have never sucked cock before, Jace? Because that was amazing!”

“Yeah I’m sure. I guess I’m a natural then.”

“Of course you are.” Alec rolled his eyes and kissed Jace tenderly. When he looked down, he saw that Jace was painfully hard. Wanting to right this wrong, Alec reached out his hand and started stroking, but Jace pushed his hand away.

“Actually I have another idea,” Jace said, sounding nervous all of a sudden and blushing slightly.

Alec stared at him in surprise. Jace never blushed! What was he up to?

“Whatever it is, Jace, you can tell me. There are no more secrets between us.”

Alec’s words must have reassured Jace because he looked Alec full in the eyes and said: “I wanna fuck you.”

Alec’s mouth went dry and he kept staring at Jace. Eventually he stammered: “Are, are you sure you are ready for that? We are ready for that?”

Jace softly kissed him and said while looking into Alec’s eyes: “I am if you are.”

Alec’s mind was officially blown. He had never expected them to take this so far, but he couldn’t deny that the thought of Jace fucking him was very arousing. Suddenly another thought popped into his lust-crazed brain and he said:

“Jace, we can’t. We don’t have any condoms or lube. And I’m sorry but I won’t do it without them.”

This time Jace blushed bright red. Not meeting Alec’s eyes, he quietly said: “Actually we do. I went down to the drugstore earlier when you were still sleeping because I thought, I mean, I hoped that …”

“You did what?” Alec couldn’t believe his ears. Jace must really want this, want him, more than he ever expected.

Jace was still not meeting his eyes so Alec reached out and cradled his head and brought up his chin. He looked Jace full in the eyes and said: “Well that was very smart and proactive of you. Okay then, I’m in.”

Jace only gaped at him. “You mean, you will let me fuck you?”

“Yes, babe, that’s what I just said.”

“Babe?”

“I’m trying it out. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure.” Jace grinned.

“I only have one request,” Alec said.

“Anything. What is it?” Jace replied.

“That we do it face to face.”

“Of course, Alec. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jace said earnestly.

“Well that’s settled then.”

Thinking about what they were about to do, Alec was starting to freak out again. Jace obviously could tell because he started to slowly kiss him and then went on to put kisses all over Alec’s body, caressing and touching him in a reassuring manner. Alec relaxed into his touch and was slowly getting hard again. Jace grabbed a pillow, made Alec lift his hips and place the pillow underneath. He reached for a plastic bag on the nightstand that Alec had not noticed before and took out the lube and the condoms. He opened the bottle of lube and poured some of the liquid onto his fingers.

Jace looked up at Alec and asked: “Ready?”

“Yeah, do it,” Alec replied, already sounding wrecked.

Jace used his fingers to prepare Alec’s hole and then inserted one of his fingers. Alec hissed at the pain of intrusion and Jace stilled.

“Just breathe, Alec, and try to relax.”

“Okay I’ll try.”

Jace started moving his finger and when Alec seemed more comfortable inserted a second finger and started scissoring them.

Alec felt the pain slowly disappear, even if it still felt strange having something inserted up his ass. Jace moved his fingers again and suddenly hit Alec’s sweet spot. Alec moaned loudly.

“Holy fuck, what was that?”

“That would be your prostrate, dear.”

“Do that again, it feels fucking fantastic.”

“It will feel even better when I’m using my cock,” Jace said, grinning wickedly and inserting a third finger.

“Jace, come on, do it now.” Alec was panting now.

“Do what, babe?” Jace asked, getting bossy again.

“Fuck me.”

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear that.”

“Fuck me!” Alec practically yelled.

“Okay okay, no need to get your knickers in a twist.”

“Jace, stop with the damn teasing already and fuck me.” Alec started to sound desperate and Jace liked it a lot.

“Your wish is my command.”

Jace squirted out some more lube and put it on his painfully hard cock, a small moan escaping his lips as he was stroking himself. Alec watched him through heavy-lidded eyes and slightly lifted his hips to spur Jace on.

Jace lined up his cock with Alec’s hole and pushed the tip in, giving Alec some time to get used to the pain. Alec breathed heavily and tried to get used to Jace’s cock. When he felt the pain disappearing, he nodded at Jace that he could continue. Jace pushed slowly into Alec, further and further, until he bottomed out. Alec was so tight, Jace could feel him vibrating all around his cock and it was a fucking amazing feeling. Jace was dying to move, to fully start fucking Alec but he willed himself to wait.

“Are you okay, Alec?”

“Yeah. You can start moving now.” Alec sounded even more wrecked now and his forehead was glistening with sweat.

Jace slowly started moving, pushing his cock into Alec and then withdrawing again. Alec’s accompanying moans were driving him wild and he began fucking Alec harder and harder, deeper and deeper, faster and faster. And still it was apparently not enough because Alec kept urging him on.

“Yeah, Jace, fuck me, fuck me harder.”

Hearing Alec’s broken voice, Jace increased his rhythm, fully pumping away now and slowly feeling his orgasm building. He stroked Alec’s hard cock in time with his thrusts and they were both panting and moaning loudly, hurtling towards climax. Jace felt himself exploding, thrusting deep into Alec’s tight ass. He came hard, calling out Alec’s name. He had never felt like this, he could hardly breathe, let alone think. He was overwhelmed by his feelings for Alec, by just having experienced the best sexual experience of his life. Through his lust-crazed haze, he dimly heard Alec come as well with a loud “Jace” on his lips.

Jace slipped out of Alec and lay down beside him, still breathing heavily and trying to get himself under control. When he felt like he had come down from his high a bit, he chanced a glance at Alec and his heart constricted. Alec lay there in all his naked glory, also breathing hard, cum all over his stomach. A blissful smile was on his lips and his eyes were half-closed. Jace propped himself up on his elbows and placed a soft kiss on Alec’s gorgeous plush lips. Alec opened his eyes, smiling up at Jace.

“Was that okay?” Jace asked.

“Okay? That was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced,” Alec replied with great emotion. “I didn’t think that I could ever be this happy.”

Jace’s heart warmed at these words.

“I feel the same way. God, Alec, if I had only known it could be this way between us, I would have suggested having sex much sooner.”

Alec smiled and snuggled closer to Jace. “Does this mean that you are gay too now?” he asked, teasingly playing with Jace’s nipples.

“I haven’t got a clue. All I know is that I just had the best sex of my life,” Jace replied, leaning into Alec’s touch.

“The best?”

“The best.”

“Well I guess that’s a start.”

As they started kissing again, first tenderly and then more and more passionately, Jace thought that it really did not matter what kind of label people put on him as long as he got to be this happy with Alec. He knew of course that being gay was frowned upon in the Shadowhunter world, but he had never run from a fight and he wasn’t going to start now when he had something so precious to fight for. For the first time in his life, Jace felt truly at ease, happy and content. No way in hell was he going to give that up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is finally the second chapter of this story. Sorry it took me so long to update, RL unfortunately got into the way. Also, I haven't written smut in a while so I needed to get into the right headspace for it first. ;) Hope you enjoy it. Comments are much appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Please review if you like what you read. Thank you!


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